Being a theatre student seems like it would be easy, but it's the busiest I've ever been. Why, you ask? Because I want to succeed. I want to be good. I want to be well-liked. I want to be well-known. I want to THRIVE. But, I had so much going on that my brain shut-down. I had to press the restart button, so to speak, and I've been rebooting, as they say in the technical world.
I have to apologize. To the two of you who will happen upon this post, I have to say I'm sorry for the previous posts. I went through a rather difficult time. I'm glad to say that I am doing about 29,486 times better. I hate to say it, but it's true:
Time heals wounds.
Having to re-figure out life by myself (it was only two months, but you get used to relationships) was hard. But, I've realized that I really, really like being by myself. I don't mean to say I like being alone, but I like doing my own thing in my own way, in my own time. I like being independent. I feel like once I get in relationships, I get ahead of myself and want to be with the boy all the time. However, balance in a relationship is key; as it is in life. Having friends and being with people is important, but it's also important to have time to yourself. Realizing this has been something that's been good for me. I have to work on it, but I'll get the hang of it.
Now, just because I'm getting used to my life again doesn't mean I don't want to punch some people in the face. I hate that I still get a jolt of nerves every time I see certain peoples' names on Instagram or that they've been active on Facebook and that means they haven't texted me or seen how I'm doing. I know, I know, I just took it way back to 8th grade here, but it's what happens. I know that allowing myself to be affected by them living their own lives is stupid, but I can't help it! I'm sure they're not even thinking of me in whatever they're doing, but sometimes I wonder if they see what I'm posting, or if they do something we used to do and it reminds them of me. Ya know?
I like to think it does.
I moved back home for the summer today.
It's definitely a bittersweet thing. I am so glad to get away from Ogden and the tense feelings I've been having, and anxious situations I'd been a part of. However, I am sad because I'm going to miss my friends, and the life I've grown used to. The coming of the summer means really letting myself forget about all the things that happened to me this year: the happy memories, the harsh feelings, the sentiments, and the whole getting over the ex boyfriend thing. I have to let go.
I have a hard time letting myself let go. I think it's got a lot to do with the fact that I over think everything, and I struggle with letting memories drift in to the back of my mind and allowing them to become just that: MEMORIES. I've got to put my past behind me. Hakuna Matata or something.
Moving away meant leaving this beauty.
This is my best friend Shawnee.
She is incredible.
She is one of the strongest people I've ever met.
I knew her before I met her.
We have become like sisters in the 5 short months we've been friends.
She gives great advice, isn't afraid to speak her mind, and isn't afraid to be herself.
Shawnee was someone I wanted to get to know for a long time. She intimidated me because she was cool, already knew everyone, she was the star of the play at school, and she was older than me. I wasn't cool enough to be her friend. Luckily, we got cast in The Will Rogers Follies at school, and I realized that she was just as big of an idiot as I was. It was meant to be. We hit it off right away, and I was so glad to have a girl friend that I could count on. That's the thing about Shawnee: her loyalty is unceasing. I know that she will always be there. I love her for that.
Shawnee is one of the hardest working people I've ever known. She doesn't take anything for granted. She works for what she gets, and is grateful for what she has. Her talent is more than just singing and dancing and acting. Dedication is a talent. She gets better at her craft with everything she does. She makes sure she knows what she's doing, and she does it fantastically well. We like to be realistic with each other, and we talk about things how they are. In other words, we don't beat around the bush. She always worries about not being as good as she thinks she is, but she is. I don't think she gets how great she is.
I love this girl so much. I worry about her and pray for her every day. She is my savior at school. I don't know what I'd do without her. Actually, if she wasn't there, I'd have probably killed at least 3 people this year. Maybe more.
On second thought, she probably would've helped me.
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