thinking...

Here's the thing.

Why must we think?
Have you ever asked yourself that question before?
Why do things happen with people or at parties or on a car ride...and then you have to think about it afterward to help it all make sense?
And sometimes, even after thinking, things are just as confusing as ever?

I bet you've thought that.
You have.
Admit it.
Maybe not after a car ride, but you've asked yourself, "WHY DO I THINK!?"

I asked myself that question last night, as a matter of fact.
I often find myself thinking after an interaction with a male.
Usually, for me, I'm considered "the buddy".
Anyone else "the buddy"?
Well, being the buddy sucks. It sucks hard, my friends.

Anyway, last night, I was forced to think about a situation that has become rather prominent in my life.
I thought I was sending the right signals, but then I found out that I might not be. I was forced to wonder if the boy on the receiving end of my signals was oblivious, or if he was not noticing them on purpose? Am I in the "friend zone"? How does he see me? Why aren't we dating right now? What else do I need to do?
I hate thinking.

In reality, I probably need to do a whole lot more.
When I think I'm "sending signals", I'm really just talking to someone--or so I've been told.
Also, this formula will help to understand my situation:

1 awkward, nervous girl + 1 awkward boy + 19385762350 awkward situations = no progression towards a real relationship.

This boy and I find ourselves in situations where the awkwardness is almost paralyzing*.
*I do not recommend watching Dinner For Schmucks when you want to cuddle with someone for the first time.
We talk and get along fantastically. We laugh and we joke and we chat about anything and everything. But, when it gets to what could be an intimate part of the night, things just get down-right weird. It's like we're both waiting for the other one to make a move, which we both know is never going to happen. Also, I think boy (that's what he will be affectionately referred to from now on) may be a bit stupid. The sometimes-adorable-sometimes-very-frustrating kind of stupid.

I want to be over it, but I can't help it. I hate that about myself. Once I start something, I get stuck on it for a long while.
It's rather annoying.

I suppose what I'll have to do is make my mind up whether I want to go for the gold and put myself out there, or decide that it's not worth it.

Also, I miss all the Elders in my life.
Missions are awesome but they suck.

Poop.